


"I'm not disappointed in you. I'm just disappointed you turned into everything you said you'd never be."

by ouzell



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Airplane, Angst, Aromantic Jake English, Bro beng a bad guardian, Bruises, Christmas, Christmas Party, F/F, Food, Gay, Kisses, Kissing, M/M, Rejection, Secret Santa, Violence, cursing, cute mention of Casey, cute pancake making, i mean he takes a bath, not necessarily a mention of nudity, physical abuse mention, rape mention, roxy's house, slight Jake/Dave, super gay, very slight John/Roxy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-18
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-07 09:04:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5451065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ouzell/pseuds/ouzell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave and John have been together since they were little, but can they get together and act like adults when they're all grown up?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "I don't hate you. I'm just dissapointed you turned into everything you said you'd never be."

**Author's Note:**

> First DaveJohn fanfic, alright! Looking forward to what you guys think! Enjoy.

Many times when they were younger, John had listened to Dave’s problems. He still did, and he always would. That would never change between them. Though they were miles apart back then, they were inseparable. Many times, John’s dad had slipped in comments on how much his son was on the computer and how he should get out more. These remarks were met with a somewhat sheepish smile, but that was all that would result. No matter what his father said or did, John was on the computer for nearly every minute of his screentime. Whether he was skyping, messaging, or making another pathetic attempt at programming, he remained in front of the screen. And as for Dave? He would say that his brother didn’t care he was always on his phone or computer most of the time, if he wasn’t being constantly interrupted by the start of a strife or an eerily placed puppet. Of course back then he just thought of the stuffed companions as funny jokes or a cool hobby.  
So many things had changed.  
He still listened to Dave’s problems- again, that would never change. However, over time the problems Dave complained about to John went from stupid stuff online or at school to home problems. He started to get creeped out by the various puppets and marionettes around the house, exasperated by ‘Bros’ strife initiations, and irritated with how neglectful he was. At one point he said he thought his bro saw raising a child as a game. John couldn’t defend Bro- he had only glimpsed him and his stone cold expression in the background of skype calls- so instead he nodded and discussed things the best he could with Dave. He was no therapist, most of the time he suggested talking to Rose about it at first, but that just earned him a scoff and a, “You know what Rose is like.” John would nod and look uncomfortable, and Dave would apologize.  
That wasn’t that bad, though. Sometimes John would talk about his dad, and Dave would listen instead. At the time, he felt bad venting about such a caring parent in comparison to bro, but Dave just seemed to get it. He understood that everyone has their problems- and it was good. That was good. At least it was until some time in their freshman year.

 

-

“He doesn’t even buy food! How does he expect me to eat if there’s never anything in the fridge? I mean it would be okay if he handed me ten bucks and told me to go buy taco bell or something, but no! I’m expected to live off of one meal made by fat old birds!”  
He only yelled like this when Bro wasn’t home and he was really upset. He said that loud outbursts weren’t his thing, but sometimes he got “so sick and tired of staying cool around Bro and everyone that I can’t help it.” Besides, they both knew that the only person he was okay with showing such strong feelings to was John. Anyone else and he would be as cool as a cucumber on the outside.  
“When you come over here you won’t have to worry about food- that is, if you like cake.” John smiled, trying to lighten the mood just a little. At these kinds of jokes he usually got an apologetic smile of some sort, but not today. All he could see on his screen was Dave sitting on his bed with a hand over his eyes, shades pushed up onto his head. Was he crying? That wasn’t something that happened often, not at all. “...Dave?”  
Silence for a moment- then the blonde on the other side of the screen rubbed his hand down his face and readjusted his shades, coming over to sit in front of the camera. He looked determined. Like he had had enough.  
“I’m never going to be like him, John. Not just if I have kids, either. I’m never going to be anything like him.”

-

Those words had stuck with the both of them, as long as they stuck together. From then on, Dave didn’t vent as much and seemed to be almost numb to bro’s antics. He got a job to buy his own food, and whenever he got a paycheck would show John his jar of bills labeled, “For John”. It wasn’t literally for John, of course. It was for visiting him- and eventually, it would be for moving in with him. As soon as Dave and John graduated, the former grabbed a plane to Washington and was met at the airport with a warm hug. (Not to mention embarrassing tears on both ends.) Not a month later, they started dating. To John it was both surprising and unsurprising. On one hand, he had always known how much he loved Dave. On the other, he had never thought in his wildest dreams that he would be known as one half of ‘the gay couple’ at parties. Whenever they held hands, kissed, or showed any kind of affection he would always look back on his middle school days of “I’m not a homosexual!” and “I’m not gay guys, I already told you!” How tiring that had been. At one point he had just been saying it to be consistent and to prove a point. John didn’t like it when people didn’t listen to him the first time he said something important. (Maybe that had partially come from his father being so insistent on baking him cakes all the time, no matter how he protested.) When they had first told everyone, it wasn’t that big of a shock. Rose said she had predicted it ages ago, and Jade said she wasn’t very surprised either, (“but I’m still very happy for you two!”)  
Now, twenty one years old and living in an apartment together and managing to scrape together enough to afford food, clothes, and the occasional movie night, John and Dave were doing alright. Sure, it was hard working two jobs and getting home late nearly every day, but John didn’t mind. Working at Party City and McDonald’s was a weird combination, but both had their charms. At Party City he could joke around a little bit and set up displays that were somewhat prank-ish. (Plus jumping out at people with masks on was always funny.) Halloween was never boring, and seeing the smiles on the kid’s faces when he messed around with disguises was fun. McDonald’s gave him free food sometimes, which was much appreciated by both he and his boyfriend. Nobody there really liked messing around with pranks though, so it got boring.  
But the best part about coming home late each day was getting into a warm bed next to Dave. He worked as a DJ at early-morning dance parties mostly, because nightclubs were, “Seedy, dangerous, and I’m always getting hit on by a couple of drunk girls.” Usually he had to get up at three in the morning if he wanted time to get dressed, eat breakfast, and to get his records and music together. Then college classes absolutely destroyed his energy when he got home. The only time they had to spend together was weekends, which they usually… spent at home, so to speak. Of course Jane would invite them out every so often, but times were hard and tiring. That’s why when Dave proposed they start taking self defense classes, John could only blink in surprise.  
“... Dave. We don’t have the time, energy, or money to do that.” Shooting down the idea so quickly had obviously not been accepted well, but John wasn’t good at thinking before he spoke.  
“Sure we do. If I cut down on buying so much music we’ll be fine.” There was the slightest touch of hopefulness in his tone, and his eyes portrayed his feelings. Seeing those gorgeously red eyes was something that didn’t happen often- that was another reason John savored these quiet moments they sometimes spent just laying in bed to talk or resting.  
John gave a little smile. He couldn’t resist those eyes. “Fine. But why self defense? You can defend yourself against anything.”  
“Yeah, but you can’t.”  
“But I have you.” This earned him a playful unimpressed look and a jab in the ribs.  
“I’m not always there to protect you. I want you to be able to defend yourself in case one of these days someone decides they want to hurt you.” He rolled over on top of John and pecked him on the lips. “I don’t want anyone to hurt you.”  
This made John blush and roll his eyes. The fact that he still blushed anytime Dave did anything romantic irked him so much. Of course Dave loved it, but it was a little embarrassing. “I’m fine.” The blonde just chuckled at him and leaned in to steal another kiss.  
After the actual class though, John felt like he hadn’t learned much. Plus it took away from his time to be with Dave on the weekends. Now all they had left was Saturday night and Sunday. What kind of weekend is that? It might as well not be a weekend at all- Sundays are just like the anxiety-inducing precursor to Monday. Mondays aren’t even as bad as Sundays. So, opening their apartment door after the class, he expected Dave to be on the computer or watching TV or something. Awake at least- not passed out on their bed.  
“Ah come on- I was doing this for you after all.” John huffed and set down his bag before going to the bathroom to shower and change.  
In the morning Dave asked how it had gone. “Boring. All we learned were signs of danger- and I already knew most of them. It’s like they think that we’re completely helpless.” He was a little bit irritated- not entirely with the class either- he was still a little peeved that Dave hadn’t stayed up to ask him these questions last night. It had only been about eight anyway.  
“Well you are kind of helpless. Dominating you is like pushing over a toddler.” Dave smirked and thought this might get him a playful roll of the eyes, but John just frowned. “Ah c’mon, I was kidding.” He moved closer to wrap his arms around John. “It’s not my fault if you don’t like the class.”  
John didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to start an argument, but he also didn’t know how to dig himself out of this little hole he had dug without looking stupid. Instead of doing either, he sat up and mumbled, “I’m gonna get dressed.” And proceeded to do so. Behind him, he could hear Dave shift.  
“Okay, fine. Pout.” He got up and pulled on his pair of pants from the previous day. “But when you’re done, I’ll be on the couch.” He couldn’t stand when John didn’t talk to him, and John knew it. He didn’t want to acknowledge that he knew that he knew it, but he did. And it was about something stupid like not staying awake the night before. Once Dave had left the room he went into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. Turning to the mirror, he rubbed his eyes behind his glasses and took a deep breath. He had just made a complete mess of things out there, when he could have just told Dave how he felt. Blaming it on how tired he was or the fact that he hadn’t wanted to go to the stupid class in the first place would be stupid. With one tan hand he turned the knob and opened the door, preparing himself. John wasn’t very good at admitting he was wrong, because his short temper always caused him to want to be right over things that made him angry. So, he went into the living room/kitchen. Dave was watching the Simpsons or something, shades on so that John couldn’t see if he looked over or not. Feeling a little bit like a scolded dog, he went over to the couch and sat next to his boyfriend.  
“...I’m sorry.” His blue eyes glanced over to see Dave’s eyebrows flick up as he turned to him.  
“Yeah- what was that all about? I mean I know I did something, but I hate when you stay silent and want me to figure it out. Just tell me.” He still had his sunglasses on obviously, which made John all the more agitated that he couldn’t see his expression. It reminded him of looking into Bro’s face the one time he had come up from Texas. That had been uncomfortable.  
“It’s stupid.”  
“John you’re just going to be mad at me about it until you tell me.”  
“Last night when I got home? You had just passed out. I was kind of hoping that you would have at least asked me how it went.”  
“That’s what this is all about?” He obviously almost chuckled like he always did when John said something he thought was silly, but restrained himself and instead settled for a smile. “I’m sorry.” He paused for a second before adding, “It is a little ironic though, isn’t it?” In all reality it was, but John didn’t care. He shook his head and chuckled.  
“Enough with that irony bullshit, Dave.”  
In the end, he didn’t make John go to any more self defense classes. Dave said that he was just more paranoid because he had grown up in the city and told him to forget about it. Of course, if John wasn’t so absent minded, he would have noticed little differences. Every time John talked about something weird happening on the bus, he’d bristle. If John missed the bus and had to walk, Dave would berate him for not calling and just asking him to pick him up. He was a lot more protective, and a lot more anxious than he used to be before he realized just how helpless John really was. Months passed, and it slowly faded- but that undertone of anxiety remained.

 

-

 

Friday- thank God. Dave had a bag full of homework to prepare for an upcoming test, no matter how laid back most of his professors were. Fumbling with his key, he finally managed to unlock the door and step inside. Usually he’d only spend a couple hours on homework, but tonight would be a different story. Headphones still in, he walked down their main hallway to the living room as he nodded to one of his newest mixes. But he stopped dead in his tracks as his ruby red eyes roved over the couch. Immediately he dropped his backpack to the ground behind him and he rushed forward.  
“Jesus- what happened?! Oh my god….” All he could do was frantically look John all over. Every bruise, every scrape, was twice on him. John was the one who looked like he had fallen off of a truck, and he was the one who felt like he couldn’t breathe.  
Tears rolled down the other’s cheeks, and with a small cry he moved forward for Dave to hug him. He did so, and in turn let himself lay against him entirely. “They took my money…” With a sniff he buried his face in his shoulder, breaths still coming in shudders as he cried. He cried as if he were never going to stop, and as if he had already been crying for a long time. Maybe it was just one of those cries- Dave understood. It had been a long time, but he knew what that felt like- the need to cry for ever and ever. In fact right now he felt like he could cry for John, but he knew he had to be his old stony self to support him. Both of them crying on the floor of their apartment wouldn’t do anyone any favors.  
“It’s okay. Let’s just- let’s just get you cleaned up for now and tomorrow we’ll figure things out.” The blonde moved back to make sure John nodded, then gave a supportive smile in response. And then, in one move, he had picked up John bridal style and was carrying him to the bathtub. Usually John hated being carried, but this was a special occasion. He seemed too weary and hurt to care. As the water warmed up, Dave went to go get him some pajamas. Right now, all he wanted was to take care of his boyfriend. He didn’t want to think of the particulars of what might have happened or why it happened- he didn’t want to think about the fact that John had probably had to walk home like this. God, it was almost too much. He went back to the bathroom and found John already in the tub.  
As he washed him- carefully using a rag to wipe the dirt off of him- it felt like they had both made a silent agreement to let the rest of the night be quiet. No words, just the distant sound of cars on the street below them and the occasional drip of water. At every flinch that John made when the soap touched some of his wounds, Dave flinched as well. Every single one made a chill run down his spine. The drain still gargling, he carefully helped John into his pajamas and felt like he had to give him one last hug- more for himself than for his boyfriend. If a hug could absorb all the pain, that was what he was trying to do. Their silence persisted, but neither of them needed to use words. John returning the hug with a muffled sob confirmed how much he needed there not to be words.  
That night he could only pretend to sleep. Once John’s breathing had deepened and he could move with out him shifting, he got back up. Watching TV only distracted him a little bit. Working on music wouldn’t work- he couldn’t focus. The only person he could really call was Rose, and he didn’t know if John wanted him to tell her about anything. Hell, he didn’t even know exactly what had happened yet! In the end he fell asleep on the couch, and in the morning he woke up to John gently shaking him.  
“Dave? Dave-” Blinking, he realized that his sunglasses had fallen off in his sleep, and that the TV was still on. What was that, Cartoon Network? Rubbing his eyes with his palms, Dave sat up a bit and cleared his throat a little.  
“Sorry- I’m up, I’m up…” He took a deep breath with his eyes closed before opening them and regarding John gently. “You… you okay?”  
For a moment, John didn’t seem to know how to answer. Then all he did was offer a shrug and a little weak smile, “As okay as I’ll ever be.” God, some days that smile could bring Dave back to life, but right now all it did was rip his heart out. It was so obviously riddled with all kinds of sadness and hurt that he couldn’t bear it.  
All he could do in response was return the smile and stand up. “I’ll make breakfast if you want to talk about it?” Was that what he was supposed to say? Ugh.  
“We both know you can’t cook for shit, Dave Strider.” That rejuvenating smile crossed John’s lips.  
“Yeah well at least I offered.” They were joking again, that was a start. They both made their way to the tiny kitchen, John getting out flour and milk. “Maybe if I just help a little bit I won’t ruin them too much.”  
He did ruin them. Well, he ruined the half that he helped with. Whether it was mixing batter or cooking them in the pan, Dave ruined the pancakes. Eventually he was told to just stand aside and put the ingredients away when John was done. John always made the best pancakes.  
Together they sat down on the couch, criss cross and silent as the TV remained off. Dave’s fork scraped against his plate uncomfortably before John spoke first.  
“I wasn’t… y’know.”  
He saw that the blue-eyed boy was uncomfortable with the word, so he didn’t say it either. “Er… good.” Dave had no idea how he was supposed to respond to any of this. It’s not like he expected John to know, neither of them really did. “So.. did they just rough you up, steal your wallet and go?”  
“Uh, yeah.”  
“Hm.” Dave took a bite of his pancakes even though he wasn’t hungry- he just needed something to do instead of talk. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, he decided to venture further. “So- what did they look like? We could report it to the police- I mean it’s not like a group of guys walking around mugging people is hard to find, right?” Yeah- that always worked in the movies, anyway.  
“Right. See…” John cleared his throat uncomfortably and his cheeks turned a little pink. What? “Er… they weren’t exactly… guys.”  
He swallowed his pancake. “So it was some women- so what?”  
“No…” John glanced to the side. “It was a couple middle schoolers.” His face was extremely red, the bruise on his cheek and collar bone still visible. “I was walking by the school because I missed the bus and they came out of nowhere.”  
Clink. The blonde set down his fork on his plate. He didn’t know whether to laugh or be angry at this point. “By some middle schoolers?” The other nodded. “You… you let me get this worried over a couple of middle schoolers?” He was going a little too far, but this anger just boiled up inside of him. He hated it when John stayed silent like that! And last night he thought it was just because he didn’t want to talk about it- when it had really been because he knew he wouldn’t be so sympathetic if it were a couple middle schoolers. “I thought it was my fault, you know that? But I was the one that signed you up for fucking self defence classes a few months ago- oh my God!” He stood up, plate hitting the couch. Dave ran a hand through his hair and retrieved his shades from the coffee table. John looked hurt, almost tearful, but right now if he stayed he would just explode more. He stormed down the hall, yanking on his sneakers and pulling on his jacket before slamming the door behind him.  
How fucking stupid could he be? John would have told him if something had actually been wrong. And now he was probably going to call Jane and tell her all about how Dave had yelled at him, and he would get in shit with Crocker herself. God fucking damn it! He kicked a trash can with his sneaker as he walked down the sidewalk. It wasn’t like he wasn’t going to go back, but letting off a little steam was what he needed. Usually he’d just mess around with his music or dance to really loud music, (which admittedly looked stupid, but John said he liked it because Dave got all worked up and started stripping,) but none of those were available because they were at the apartment. “Guess I’ll just go sit at the park like a fucking forty year old then.”  
Yeah, some kids were playing on the playground and watching all the parents watching them made him think about his own future, but the anger pulsing in him overrode it. He hated being lied to and he hated when people wouldn’t talk to him and he… he hated when anyone lied about being hurt by someone. He knew what it was like and… well he hadn’t told anyone, but it was awful. The fact that John had kept from him who it had been was infuriating.  
After an hour or so of sitting there, thinking, Dave felt like he was done. ( Plus he was getting some weird looks from a few of the parents who had been there just as long as he had.) With a sigh, he stood up and stretched. Now that anger was more of a slow beating in his blood. It had resided to more of a cold feeling now that he had made some decisions. Running another hand through his hair, Dave started back.  
As soon as he opened the door, John jumped up from the couch, where he had been sitting with his head in his hands. “Dave! You’re back-” He walked over and gave a hopeful look, but all he got was silence in response. “I’m… I’m sorry.” He furrowed his brow and tried to apologize, but again all he got was silence. That short temper of his started to singe. “Dave?”  
All the blonde did was walk over to his table with his music stuff on it, and put his headphones on. Unreadable. That was what he wanted. Right now, all he wanted was to float away in his music, go to sleep, do his homework, go to work, and continue the steady flow of life like that. None of this anger shit or feelings. Maybe he would let himself lapse back into his old emotionless self. The one that didn’t care about anything except irony and his brother’s lame ass shit.  
“...talk to me! Dave you…” The music drowned out most of what John was saying as he listened. At this point he felt somewhat like he was punishing John, and he knew it. It was that kind of guilty knowledge that you wish wasn’t there, but you can’t help it. He was content to do that for a little bit, when he caught a snippet of what John yelled at him that made him freeze. “...like your brother!”  
He took off his headphones, set them down, and turned to look at John. He was furious- now they both were. “What did you just fucking say?” His hands balled into fists.  
“You’re just like your brother.” John stood his ground, face red and looking like he knew what he was saying was regrettable. He also looked like he didn’t care. Dave didn’t say anything, so he felt like he would continue, apparently. “You said you would never be like him, but you are. You’re just like him!”  
It felt like he had been sucker punched in the gut. The person he loved the most, who he had told all the personal things he could tell nobody else, had just turned around and used them all against him in one blow. For a moment all he could do was stand in shock. His whole body felt ice cold.  
Then it began to thaw.  
He grabbed his headphones and music, rushing into their room and shoving them into a box. He threw open the closet and grabbed some clothes, not even paying attention to what he grabbed. He took his key out of his pocket as he stepped out into the hall adjoining the living room/kitchen. With one freckled hand, the blonde took of his sunglasses and gave an icy cold glare. “You can keep these.” And he tossed his keys at John, who managed to catch them with a flinch. Dave grabbed his box of things and left, for the second time that day, slamming the door behind him.  
Silence was all that he left behind.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave tries to get away from his problem, but it follows him all the way to New York. John isn't giving up that easily.

Regret sears a brand onto your heart, leaving a stinging wound that continues to hurt until you either forget it’s there or right the wrong that caused it to be there.  
There were many things John regretted in his lifetime; little things, like lying about throwing away one of his dad’s cakes, and big things like when he accidentally threw a hammer through his window. Now those things seemed even more trivial compared to what wrung his heart with regret this time. Many times before he had gotten into petty arguments with Dave about things, but none like this. Once he had slept on the couch because a disagreement on how their friend Sollux should have handled a certain situation- Dave had said he was right to punch Eridan in the face, and John had said that Sollux was the one who needed a punch in the face. Of course it was about more than a sock in the face, and felt more important at the time, but as soon as Dave woke up in the morning he found John snuggled up against him and nearly falling off the little sofa they had. That had been the end of it- if only it could be like that now. He would do anything to be able to climb onto the couch next to Dave and just make it all better- no words, no arguing, just a simple gesture to show he was sorry.  
Sorry wouldn’t fix this. An apology wouldn’t take back what he said and it wouldn’t make either of them forget any of the things they had said. He thought about this as he sipped his coffee. Lately he had been sleeping with double the blankets- it was cold without someone to sleep next to. Three weeks. Three weeks had gone by and he hadn’t gotten so much as a phone call. He knew that Dave was safe at least; Rose had called and told John that he was staying with her, (“He’s eating me out of house and home, John. You two need to talk.”) She probably would have just handed the phone to the blonde right then and there, but they both knew that he didn’t want to talk and wouldn’t- he’d probably stand up once it was thrust in his face and walk away anyway. From what he heard, Dave had reverted back to his moody, quiet, and closed off state- not unlike what he was as a teenager. He was still going to school and work, but that seemed to be about all he was doing. Rose complained that he wouldn’t go with her to the store or to restaurants when she invited him. Her diagnosis was depression; a lack of motivation, not wanting to do anything he normally enjoyed- and then John started to tune her out because he was too caught up in his own thoughts. Thoughts like the idea that this was his fault, that he had done that. Rose had given her two cents; she had said that they were both being “ridiculously juvenile” and needed to figure this out.  
In the end the phone call had left him feeling just as miserable as he had when he picked up his phone. Sure, she had given some good advice, but what he had to look forward to was not something that cheered him up all that much. Maybe it should have, but he couldn’t help feeling unpleasantly apprehensive. Rose had invited John yet again to her sister’s for her annual Christmas party. Under other circumstances he would have been cheered up at the aspect of seeing Roxy and going to one of her parties all the way in New York, (he had been a little sweet on her the first time he had met her,) but someone else was invited, too. Dave. Obviously Rose had been heavily influenced by her girlfriend in this decision, because she advised John to take this opportunity to make up. In her words, “kiss and make up.” He was sure that she had not even told Dave that John knew about the party in the first place, because she told him that he was coming. If she had told him, John was sure that the other wouldn’t have even considered going.

His decision to actually travel all the way to New York was deterred by the idea of Dave being there- but he couldn’t help that lurking feeling that if he didn’t go, he wouldn’t get another chance to talk to him again face to face without some difficulty. In turn, here he was, sitting in the window seat of an airplane next to a twelve year old girl and with the leftover taste of pretzels in his mouth. Rose had been so kind as to pay for his ticket, and it made him feel a little guilty. She really did want them to make up, didn’t she? Hadn’t she said that if they ever broke up she would never believe in love again? It had been somewhat sarcastic, but he felt like everything she said had sincere undertones. After knowing Rose for a while, you started to get a knack for sensing when she was trying to say something beneath her snide comments.  
There was a dinging sound and the light above John indicating that it was time to buckle his seat belt sounded. He did so, and the girl next to him did as well. A little smile couldn’t help crossing his lips- they had talked all through the long ride; Casey was her name; she was in seventh grade and visiting her mom for winter break and he had “looked a little sad,” so she decided to sit next to him. He hadn’t known whether to be offended by being called sad or charmed by her kindness. Now she glanced over with raised eyebrows and a small grin as she put away her books, (Casey had been enthusing about some book series or something having to do with wizards,) that sinking feeling in their stomachs coming back as the plane started to land. John gripped the armrests and tensed, and Casey reacted similarly. They had bonded over their mutual fear of flying earlier, and all throughout the ride they would chuckle after flinching at little bumps along the way. There were a few slight jolts as the wheels hit the ground before slowing down to a stop. He let out a relieved breath and unbuckled as soon as they were able. Helping the younger grab her bags, he took his own and walked with her off of the plane. Is this what it would be like to have a kid? As they pulled their bags along through the tunnel and out the door, he thought about what his kid might look like. Maybe they would have his buck-toothed grin- Dave would love that. His heart sank a little at the thought of his- boyfriend? ex-boyfriend?- but he kept a pleasant smile on his lips as Casey waved goodbye and hurried over to her mother. With a wave back, he made his way toward the drop-off area to meet his taxi.

 

-

 

“Of course all the waitresses are gorgeous, legs that won’t quit, y’know? And I just happen to overhear the booth next to me. ‘What would you like, sir?’ and he says, ‘A quickie.’ She stalks off all flustered of course.” Dave watched as Roxy paused for effect to look around at her little audience, all of them wearing raised eyebrows and surprised expressions. “Right? So she comes back and asks him again, ‘What would you like?’ and he says it again, ‘A quickie.’ I can’t believe my ears I mean really, until she slaps him in the face! But then, but then, the guy in the booth on the other side of him leans over and he’s like, ‘I think it’s pronounced quiche.’” The group chuckles and Roxy laughs herself. Dave’s eye catches on Rose, who instead of giving one of her coy smirks and sipping her drink is peering down at her phone, texting. Unlike her, but he dismisses it. Who was he to talk when he was the one being antisocial and standing by the window with a cup in his hand? At least he was, until Jake interjected.  
“Dave, never thought I’d see you here! How’ve you been?”  
In reality, Jake and Dave had only spoken a couple of times, and those were once when Roxy had given him the phone so that she could go grab Jane, and once when he had dropped Roxy off at Rose’s house when Dave had just happened to be there. Funny, now that he thought about it every time he had come in contact with Jake it had been because of Roxy.  
“Oh, hi Jake. Pretty shitty actually, but what can you do? Your boyfriend turns out to be a liar and you’re sleeping on a couch for who knows how long after moving all the way across the country for him. Merry Christmas to me.” He happened to do that- go on and on about his problems.  
For a moment the other blinked, before smiling and lightly punching his shoulder. “You sure are a jokester Dave, just like Roxy told me you were.” Of course. He gave a tight smile before there was a knock at the front door. Both Roxy and Rose looked up before the former hurried out of the room to answer it. He figured it was just another one of her friends coming to the party and looked back to Jake. “So are you spending Christmas here, Jake?” If the guy was willing to hang around after his outburst, he might as well be polite and socialize.  
“Oh I would but I’m afraid I have other plans- her New Year's bash sounds fantastic….”  
Everything grew muffled as he glanced over Jake’s shoulder. He positively froze- this was the last thing he had expected when coming to New York. In fact he had done so just to get away from this very thing. This very person. John looked around before his eyes rested on Dave. Roxy was talking to him about something before she followed his gaze and immediately walked over to Rose with raised eyebrows.  
“...are you alright, Dave? I hope I’m not boring you with my chatter- I tend to do so on occasion- sometimes Roxy just has to tell me to shut up.” He chuckled nervously before Dave turned his eyes back to him.  
“Yeah, don’t worry about it.” God damn it, Rose. And Roxy, too. There was no doubt in his mind that they had planned this, and by the look on John’s face he had known about it. He would have confronted the girls, but another idea cropped up in his mind. Before the other could start talking again, he interrupted, “Jake, do you like pranks? I need your help with one.”  
“I have been known to assist with a stunt or two in my time, yes. Tell me more about this mischievous caper I’m taking part in.” 

For the rest of the night, Dave and John awkwardly circled the room, avoiding each other as much as possible and pretending like they either didn’t know or care that the other was there. The whole time Dave stayed relatively close to Jake, at times looking over to him and smiling or touching a hand to his shoulder, his eyes flitting over to John every once in awhile. He knew that Rose had noticed with all her sidelong glances and inconspicuous frowns. He just smirked right back, daring her to say something or make a scene.  
Finally Roxy took action, sensing the tense energy. “Alright! Who’s ready for White Elephant?” She looked around at the others with a toothy smile and beckoned toward the tree. As they all gathered round she started putting the presents in the middle of the floor.  
“I think what you mean is Secret Santa.”  
“Yeah yeah Kan, same thing.” She winked at Kanaya and earned herself a mischievous look back. As soon as all twelve guests had sat down in a circle on the ground, with the presents in the middle, Roxy got on her knees and clapped her hands together. “Right- time to begin! Everyone start sorting and then we’ll open em’ clockwise.” 

“Well I can’t say that I’m surprised.” Dave turned the “Handerpants” he had gotten as a Secret Santa gift from Caliborn. As a first impression he didn’t know whether to be impressed or disappointed. Mostly, he felt apathetic.  
Next to him, Jake was flipping through his Na’vi Language Book. “I never knew Kanaya was so talented at gift-giving! How in heaven’s name do you think she knew that I already had the first three volumes?” He shook his head, a smile on his face.  
“‘Probably asked Roxy.” Dave’s eye caught movement in front of them, and saw that John was walking toward him. Evacuate now- “C’mon Jake, let’s get some more eggnog.”  
“Hm? Oh no, I’m fine thank you.” He was still focused on his book. Well, better hightail it outta there while he still could. Dave got up just before John could say anything and went into the kitchen. By the sound of it, he was being followed by the very person he was fleeing from. It wasn’t like he could follow him into the bathroom though, was it? Thanking himself for that idea, Dave dashed toward the restroom and slammed the door shut, sitting down hard on the (closed) toilet before putting his face in his hands. All he had wanted was just one week without drama or stress or… or John. He knew that that was impossible- all he thought about was the cute way he smiled, or the way he would crinkle his nose when he got irritated. All he could think of were his blue eyes and his fluffy hair. All of a sudden the door opened and slammed again, those very features entering the small room. Dave’s head jerked up, sunglasses clattering to the floor. They both froze, eyes meeting and a shiver running through the space between them.  
“Uh, hi.” John, always the one to speak first, but not knowing what to say.  
“You’re following people into bathrooms now too? Without me there to help guide you on the right moral path you’re goin’ haywire, huh?” The blonde wiped his eyes hurriedly and picked up his glasses to rest them on the bridge of his nose once again. The Strider stood up, straightened, and made a move toward the door.  
John stepped in his way.  
“Stop, I- I want to talk to you.” John was never this bold, even when around his friends, so Dave thought he would cut him a little slack.  
“Fine. Spit it out.” He couldn’t help his jaw from clenching a little bit, cold eyes hidden behind two thin layers of tinted plastic.  
For a moment, the other looked like he didn’t expect to get this far. He was obviously uncertain what to say next, but seemed to steel himself and looked right up into his face. “This whole thing is stupid- I said dumb shit and so did you- why does it have to tear us apart? It was an argument.”  
Dumb shit. Of course he thought that. Deep down he knew that John was right, but he knew two things; A, that if he lost face now and they made up he would look stupid and B, that John wouldn’t take what he said seriously. When he had said that he was just like his brother, that had hurt. Punishing him for it like this was childish, but what else was he supposed to do? Rose probably had a few things to say on that matter, like she always did, but he didn’t care at the moment.  
After his moment of deep thought, Dave spoke. “Jake’s probably waiting for me out there,” and he shoved past him, not bothering to close the door as he left. In the kitchen he was met with the gazes of “the lesbians” as he called them- Rose and Kanaya, who had obviously been talking about the fact that both John and Dave had been in the bathroom at the same time. He just frowned, sighed exasperatedly, and strode through the kitchen and out into the living room. “Jake, come with me. We're going for a drive.”

“I see…. So you and John were romantically involved, John fibbed, said something regrettable, and now you can’t find it in yourself to forgive him?”  
They were driving to the closest grocery store- in this case Trader Joe’s- and Dave had ended up spilling the whole story to Jake for some reason. It wasn’t that he was easy to talk to, what with all his oblivious narcissism, but he was the only one there and everyone else had already formed their own opinions on the matter without him explaining properly.  
“Yeah, that’s… basically it.” He glanced to him before settling his eyes back on the road again. Even though Dave was the tourist, he was the one who had initiated the drive in the first place and it would have been silly for him to make the Brit take the wheel. He was reminded of one of his and John’s inside jokes that everyone else probably had too, that song “Jesus Take the Wheel.” Feeling silly, he pulled into a parking spot in front of ‘Joe’s and unbuckled.  
“I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but why are we here exactly?”  
“We’re getting snacks- plus, Roxy is out of milk.” He hopped out of the truck, door shutting loudly behind him. Jake followed.  
“So- what kind of delectable treats are we in for tonight?”  
The blonde grabbed a cart and steered it toward the candy aisle. “Mostly shit that makes you fat. Maybe some booze. Hate to break it to you, but we’re not getting anything fancy. This is just a trip to grab junk food, some milk, and then go back to watch movies and down it all.”  
“There’s no need to make it so melancholy, though. I always like to have fun during my shopping sprees.” The darker haired man raised an eyebrow at him mischievously and put his hands together in front of his face like they were a gun. “Watch and learn, whippersnapper.” Dave watched as he darted to the aisle they were headed for and put his back to it like he were hiding from a spy or something on the other side. “Hurry, or we’ll be spotted!” and he was off, further down the aisle.  
For a moment, all he could do was stand with a somewhat embarrassed pink tinge to his cheeks. Hopefully it was late enough on Christmas Eve that the only people who were here to see that wouldn’t care. Then he thought about it. It was Christmas Eve, he was starved for a little bit of fun, and Jake was a cool guy. Fuck it. A little smile spread across his features, and he formed a gun with his hands as well, holding it to his side and hurrying over, (without the cart,) just like he had seen them do in the movies. Just as he reached his destination, he was jerked down to the ground just inside the corridor. Jake had pulled him in, and he looked around the corner with a stupid grin on his face before looking back to him. “That was a close one.” As stupid as this probably was, is was exhilarating. “Now, what do we need?”  
“Uh, just chips, gummy worms, some chocolate-”  
“Right. You grab the gummy worms and chocolate bars. I’ll grab chips and some more chocolate.” He gave one nod and did one of those somersaults you see them do on TV over to the chips, no matter how sloppily it was executed, especially on hard tile. Trader Joe’s didn’t have much in the way of traditional candy, but there was some chocolate toffee and stuff, so he wasn’t complaining.  
They met up in the middle of the aisle, oddly out of breath. Why on earth he was doing this, he didn’t know, but it was the most fun he had had in awhile. That smile was still on his face. “What now?”  
“Well, now’s the homestretch. We’ve got to make it to the end without being seen. Think you can handle that?”  
“Can I handle that- you underestimate me.”  
They both crouch-ran, but just as they reached the end, Dave knocked into the shelf and semi-tripped, knocking over some bags of whatever the fuck. They both just tried to hide their chuckles as they rushed toward the check out, straightening as soon as they did. The girl working there had to be in high school, and she looked a bit weirded out, but kind of pretended that nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Both Dave and Jake were out of breath and stifling laughs as she rang up the snacks. The former handed her a twenty dollar bill before they hurried back out to the truck, throwing the goods into the back seat.  
Then, the blonde burst out laughing, which cause a little chain reaction of Jake doing the same. It was that kind of uncontrollable guffaw where your eyes are watering and you feel as if you’ll never catch a breath again. He smacked his hands against the steering wheel before his laughs quieted to a chuckle, and then to a silent smile. They both were breathing heavily from laughing, and as they caught their breaths he looked over to Jake.  
The man in question smiled and shook his head, “That was fantastic- you might want to work on your footwork, though- that last bit nearly blew our cover.”  
Dave didn’t answer. He looked at him, pondering for a moment before quickly leaning in and pressing his lips to Jake’s. For a moment they stayed like that, in Roxy’s quiet truck, lips together. Then Dave pulled away, and Jake looked… not surprised, but like he was sorry about something. Embarrassed?  
“I’m sorry, Dave but I don’t really- I’m not-”  
Suddenly he felt very warm in the cheeks. “No I get it. Sorry- I just got too…. Let’s agree to never talk about this again, okay?” He flashed a smile as if it were all a joke, and Jake nodded.  
“These lips are sealed, yeah? No problem.”

When the got back, almost everyone had left. It was pretty late at night and the next day was Christmas, so they probably had things to get ready and all. Roxy greeted them as soon as they entered, curious. “What’ve you two rascals been up to?” She raised an eyebrow, taking the gallon of milk Dave handed her.  
“Just getting you some milk- and some food.” Before she could speak again, he interrupted; “Is he still here?”  
Roxy gave it away with her expression- pursing her lips and raising her eyebrows. Maybe that was the point. “Sorry.”  
He shook his head in response and started upstairs, “I’ll be up here in case you, Rose, or Kanaya needs me.” The blonde didn’t stomp up the stairs, that would have been childish, but he made sure that his body language got across the message that he did not want to talk any longer.  
Jake shrugged at Roxy and followed him, hurrying to catch up. When they had closed the door behind them, Dave flopped onto the bed, bouncing a little. After a second he grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, but threw it aside so that he could keep laying there, eyes closed.  
“Er, d’you think I could take my jelly worms? It’s getting rather late and I’ve got a long drive tomorrow.” He gave a sheepish smile as Dave rummaged through the plastic bags to throw him the gummy worms.  
“Have a safe trip- and thanks for coming with me. It was a lot of fun.” His shades were still aimed up at the ceiling, seeing as he had gone back to laying down. Not seeing Jake nod in reply, all that reached his ears was the sound of the door shutting and footsteps leading away from it. An exhausted sigh was all he let out before closing his eyes once again.

 

-

 

When John had gotten all of his luggage out of the taxi and walked up to the front door- he froze. Not because of how cold it was outside, but because he didn’t know what to do. Dave was in there, and so was everyone else. Was he supposed to just waltz in and pretend everything was the same? Unsure, he took out his phone and texted Rose.

[John]:  
im here, what do i do?

[Rose]:  
What do you mean, “what do i do?”, I thought you knew how to open a door.

[John]:  
you know what i mean, rose.

[Rose]:  
You caught me, John. I apologize for thinking you were so capable. The audible eye rolling you’re probably doing at this moment is damning- open the door and act like you usually would. If it doesn’t work out I’ll take care of it.

[John]:  
*roooooooolls eyes

He wore a small smile before putting his phone back into his pocket. With one cold hand, (he should have worn gloves,) he knocked on the door, and immediately heard footsteps hurrying toward it. As it swung open, Roxy’s beaming face came into view.  
“John- c’mon in!” He did so, smiling at her and taking off his coat as she practically took it off of him to lay it down on the table next to the door. “Go on in, everybody’s here.”  
As he took his first few steps into the living room, he looked around. Of course, his eyes met Dave’s at once. Well, seeing as he was always wearing his shades John assumed that their eyes met- but observing how the other’s posture and demeanor changed, their eyes had indeed met. There was no way he was going over there. No way. Immediately, he walked over to Rose to pull her aside. “Rose, I don’t know what to do. I shouldn’t have come-”  
“Stop that right now. You came here because you don’t want to let your stubbornness get in the way of your relationship. Sadly I can’t say the same for Dave, but he’s going to have to as well.” She sighed and added “Why do Strider men have to be so headstrong…,” in a low voice to herself.  
It made him feel better, but he definitely wasn’t ready to approach him just yet. “Thanks, but what am I supposed to do? Just walk up and interrupt or something?”  
“Do exactly that. Trap him so that he has to listen, because otherwise he’s going to stay cold and distant. That’s all I can do right now, John. You have to do the rest.”

After about half an hour of worrying and strategizing and chewing of his cheek, John heard Roxy announce Secret Santa. As everyone else sat down, he followed suit, sitting between Rose and Jane. The presents were passed out, opened, and everyone told who gave what. Nepeta wasn’t the best at giving presents, according to the Emergency Clown Nose he had gotten, but it was funny nonetheless. He was proud of the Sarcastic Ball he had given Rose, and everyone laughed at the horse detective poster that Equius had given Jane. Typical. He couldn’t help glancing at Dave as it was revealed that he had given Calliope the “Warning Fanfiction Inside, Open At Your Own Risk!” journal. Even though he didn’t know her that well, Dave had put the effort into getting a thoughtful gift for her. A lump formed in his throat as he realized how much he missed that about him, how much he missed his surprising amount of kindness.  
Look at him, getting emotional over someone else’s Christmas present. He felt a little stupid, actually. At least it helped motivate him to fix this. After getting a meaningful glance from Rose, and an ecstatic thumbs up and wink from Roxy, he started toward Dave, who was sitting next to Jake. Yes, he had noticed how friendly the two had been getting all night, and yes he knew that it was just to get back at Rose and John for setting this up. Admittedly, it hadn’t been out of his own deduction that he realized this, it was due to a conversation he had with Roxy.

 

-

 

“Jake?” Roxy giggled, which puzzled John. “Oh you don’t haveta’ worry ‘bout him.” Another little chuckle. “At all.”  
John’s gaze was blank. “Roxy, what the hell do you mean?” He regretted swearing, but his temper was shortened by how much stress he was under lately.  
She still had that little smile on her lips as she spoke. “If they’re flirting, it’s only because they’re in cahoots ‘r somethin’. Jake’s aro-ace- lil’ Davey is barkin’ up the wrong tree.”

 

-

 

At the time he had felt a little bit like laughing, but right now he felt like his heart was in his throat. Steeling himself, John kept himself headed straight for Dave. The man in question spotted him, and immediately got up and left. Oh no you don’t, he was not going to run from him this time. Walking a little bit faster, he followed Dave all the way to the bathroom. Okay, maybe it would be weird to follow him in there, but Rose had said to trap him, and that would definitely back him into a corner. He opened the door and slammed it shut behind him.

So that hadn’t gone as well as he had hoped- so what? He had all week to try again. Right? Hopefully. He felt a little bit like he had said the wrong thing. It sure seemed like it, with how Dave reacted. During that moment of silence he had actually thought that he had fixed it- that any moment Dave would lean in and kiss him- but he had been wrong, and ended up left alone in the bathroom. Returning to the kitchen, John had found Rose and Roxy, who looked to him with expectant looks. His expression must have looked pretty defeated, because theirs turned empathetic.  
“They left. Are you alright, John?” Kanaya and her motherly habits were definitely rubbing off on Rose.  
“I’m fine.” He let out a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. “Are you sure we’re going about this the right way? By trying to force him to listen?”  
Rose leaned back against the kitchen counter and furrowed her brow. “Well, this was more of a test-run, in all honesty.”  
“Why don’t you make him come to you?” Roxy had piped up, and it didn’t sound half bad. “Talkin’ like this behind his back is just gonna make him angrier. Why don’t you talk to him Rose, and see if he’d be willin’ to talk to John?”  
For a moment the three sat in silence. “That’s… not a bad idea. I envy you, Roxy. I feel like i should have thought of it.” Rose smiled and looked back to John. “We’ll try it, but I don’t know if it will work. Part of me still thinks this is all becoming overly complicated and dramatic.” She shook her head and took a breath, “I’ll go see who’s ready to go home.”

From the living room John could hear the slam of the front door, followed by the sound of footsteps going upstairs. Two pairs. He couldn’t help feeling anxious about both of them going upstairs together, no matter what Roxy had told him. Rose came into the room looking like she had her hands full.  
“I don’t think I have to tell you that that was Dave and Jake.” She tucked a lock of blonde hair behind her ear. Kanaya, who had been reading in the chair across from him, looked up, reading glasses making her look a bit like a peeved librarian.  
John sighed and stood up, “It’s getting late- I should be going.” He gave a prim smile to each of them, walking past Rose to the door and throwing on his jacket. Just then, Jake came down the stairs. There were gummy worms in his hand, and as he looked up at John, a guilty look dawning on his face. He looked a bit like a dog who had just stolen food from off of the table. Taking the last few steps a bit more slowly, he moved past John and toward the door, opening it. He paused to turn back to him. For a moment, his eyes were downcast, as if in deep thought. Then they locked on to his blue ones.  
“You’ll get him back.” He grinned, giving him a little wink and pistol fingers, with one last word before he left.;  
“Cheers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a while to type this up, but I finally did it. Actually a bit proud of myself.
> 
> If you wanted to know who all got what for the Secret Santa, here's the list:  
> Jake gave Caliborn a "Dammit Doll"  
> Caliborn gave Dave "Handerpants"  
> Dave gave Calliope the "Warning Fanfiction Inside, Open At Your Own Risk!" Journal  
> Calliope gave Roxy "Tequila Mockingbird"  
> Roxy gave Equius a "Horse Head Squirrel Feeder"  
> Equius gave Jane an "Arabia the Equine Detective" poster  
> Jane gave Kanaya "Slang Flashcards"  
> Kanaya gave Jake the "Na'vi translation book"  
> Rose gave Karkat the "Holy Sh*t History of Swearing* book  
> Karkat gave Nepeta a "Pyropet Candle" in the shape of a cat  
> Nepeta gave John an "Emergency Clown Nose"  
> and John gave Rose a "Sarcastic Ball"


End file.
